Fourteen days after the death of my mum, I was at work, struggling to focus. In fact, it was my first day back. My team were so thoughtful and caring. My boss had been, was and continues to be fantastic and supportive. I have good days and bad days still. Sometimes I need time to myself, other times I catch myself thinking about Mum in a meeting or while I’m with other people. Sometimes I just burst into tears.
Everyone has been so understanding, not the least of all my darling wife, Mardi.
On my first day back at work, I had a yearning to talk to Mum. Yet I knew I couldn’t. This overpowering sense of frustration consumed me. It upset me. I felt a terrible foreboding that I couldn’t shake. You know, that feeling that just makes you want to scream and shake your fists in complete and utter frustration. That’s how I felt.
I sent a text message to Mardi saying how frustrated I was, how sad I still was. How hard I was finding being back at work.
After a few supportive texts, Mardi simply said in a text: “Go outside and talk to your mum. She won’t answer, but you can still talk to her.”
So pragmatic.
So sensible.
So wonderful.
That’s Mardi.
So I did.
I have written this book to her and for her, and it is my way of working through my grief. You can’t walk around grief. You can’t side-step grief. You can’t jump over grief. You simply have to live through and endure grief. For me, this book has been that living-through process. Writing this has helped me in so many ways. I’ve been fondly remembering Mum, rekindling my own memories and reconnecting with my brothers. These memories have further underlined my feelings about how important our relationship was, how important every son’s relationship with their mum is. It has allowed me to say goodbye to Mum. As hard as that has been, it has been made much easier by knowing that she did everything she could to set me and my brothers up for success. For that, I am eternally grateful.
The book is also a “thank you” to my darling wife, Mardi, who has been with me every step of the way. Some days I don’t think I could have made it without you. Your support, your practical ways, your level head, your forgiveness and your patience. Thank you, my darling.
To you, the reader, if this book helps you in a small way, brings a smile to your face, or gives you a different perspective on your grief or life, then I am also thankful.
I wrote it for Mum initially, with no intention of it being anything other than my personal journey; however, it grew and grew, and just like Mum always said to me, life is a sharing experience, so I am sharing this intimate and personal journey with you.
Everything you read is 100% true.
ML
2018
Canberra, Australia
Read the full book (Amazon Aust) here. Or here in the US*.
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